Stayed late troubleshooting Windows printing issues (prints would take somewhere between 5 minutes and 4 hours to start). After trying various recommended solutions to the problem found online, I got a nearby Linux box to do the right thing instantly and then tried some random bullshit that I had no reason to expect might fix things on Windows and that seems to have worked despite the thing I tried claiming it did nothing to resolve the problem. Now I'm going to go home and hug a cat.